Anxiety Is

Anxiety is calling into work sick with a migraine,
Scared to say why you really can’t get out of bed.
Paralysed by an iron weight of irrational fear and worry.
Trying to breathe through pain,
Coercing a smile to pretend everything’s okay,
Muddling through the overwhelming sense of impending doom.
 
Anxiety is not sleeping for days,
Despite the Ambien,
Despite the exhaustion,
Despite the comforting warmth of a familiar bed.
Scared of the nightmares that slumber may bring.
Prying your eyes open just to stay awake through the day.
Debating whether to drink that delicious cup of coffee,
Filled with caffeine that will give you the burst of energy needed to stay focused,
Filled with caffeine that will give you the burst of energy needed to spark another wave of panic attacks.
 
Anxiety is the traumatic memories
Emerging from the depths without warning.
Sending convulsions through your spin
Extending to the tips of your fingers and toes,
Trapping your body in a state of anguish
As you slip away into a daydream filled with the comforts from fleeting moments of happiness.
 
Anxiety is gender dysphoria infesting every inch of your body,
Trying to claw your way out
Through failed rituals of self-care and self-love.
Binding your chest so tight that you can barely breath
And stabbing yourself weekly with that miraculous hormone;
That’s all you know to set your body free,
Liberate your soul,
And sooth your mind.
 
Anxiety is being forced to function when your world is collapsing,
Finding a new kind of strength to overcome.
Discovering the calming remedy of a beautiful melody
And reaching for the tranquil high of laughter as a brief escape,
As you fall into the comforting arms of the one you love
And ease into the rhythmic familiarity of uncertainty.